Days #11 & 12: Acceptance

From the Orange Rhino:

There is one theme that many people seem to share: there is one major trigger that you know you just cannot change. For some it is a child’s challenge, or a spouse’s attitude, or a job situation. Whatever it is, it is clear that we all have one trigger that we would love to alleviate but can’t.

When I started this challenge, I wanted to make my son’s struggles go away. And while I have been able to help him worth through them, I can’t make them entirely go away. Once I accepted that, once I truly, deeply, and honestly accepted him for who he was, life became easier. I gained empathy and that kept me from yelling; it keeps me from yelling.

When I started this challenge, I also wanted to change my husband. Why can’t he just make the bed? Why can’t he do this or that? I read a book called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin and it opened my eyes to something. I can’t change my husband. I spend so much negative time and energy trying to change him, trying to make him do things that I am perfectly capable of doing. If I just stopped nagging and just made the bed, wow, how much negative energy I would save. Do I wish he would make it and help in the morning? Yes. Is it worth the battle? No. It’s been going on for 10 plus years, it ain’t changing!

My point is this: we all have major triggers that we wish could go away. Accepting them is hard. Really hard. At moments I feel bitter and angry when I have to accept certain BUT the upside of accepting and moving on is greater. Way greater.

TODAY’s THOUGHT:

“…Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” ~Reinhold Niebuhr

This is a hard pill to swallow. But again, worthwhile.

TODAY’s ACTIONs:

1. Think about the one thing, the one trigger, that you cannot change. Write it down in this blog post. You don’t have to accept it yet, just acknowledge it. Clearly write “I cannot change…..” Seeing it in writing will help you get start to accept it. Like yesterday's post, this is one the last group learned a lot from. Push yourself to do it if you can!

http://theorangerhino.com/30daychallenge/2013/03/07/day-11-acceptance/
password: icanyellless

2. Create a plan for how you will handle that trigger when it does arise. Will you make an "at least" statement? For example, “My husband didn’t make the bed, but at least he put his clothes in the hamper.” Or “My husband didn’t make the bed, I’ll do it. It takes me 5 seconds. No biggy. That is less than a 5-minute fight with him.”

3. Focus on this trigger today and tomorrow.

Coming up: Our preparations are almost done! Will you be ready? Do you feel confident in your triggers? Have you found a few alternatives that you like best?

Day #10: Believe!

From the Orange Rhino:

You are receiving this email because you subscribe to be on this email list. You can unsubscribe at any moment by replying to this email with your request. 

Good morning! Today, I thought everyone could use a little break from the hard stuff. I thought you could all use an uplifting day to help keep you going and help you get ready for focusing on an uncomfortable trigger.

On Day 1 of this project, you thought about your defining moment that made you realize that you want to change, no need to change, no absolutely positively have to change. You made a decision to commit to learning to yell less. Congratulations! That was a huge step, perhaps scary, embarrassing, overwhelming and sad. But let it no longer bring you down. Let that defining moment free! Let it be the catapult that reminds you to keep changing. You are not alone on this journey. Not only are there now 800+ on this 30-day journey right now to yell less and love more, but also the entire universe is there to support you to make it happen.

"Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen."

~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I so very much believe this. Wrote a post about it too (http://theorangerhino.com/coincidence-or-conspiracy/) There are days on my journey when I thought I wanted to quit and miraculously a random stranger would do something to give me faith to keep going. Or a friend would drop off an orange gift. It was surreal! If you make this decision to change, if you fully commit your energy, physically (squeezing hands instead of yelling) mentally (thinking about how to handle situations without yelling) and emotionally (accepting that some of the reasons you yell are personal and not because of the kids,) I believe that the universe and YOU will make it happen. I believe in you, the universe will believe in you, all we need to make sure is that you still believe in you!

I know it’s easy to stop believing in yourself that you can yell less because of a frustrating moment or two. I find that when I get to moments like that, I simply need to tell myself over and over that I believe I can love more and yell less, that I can do this!

TODAY’s THOUGHT:

“It's the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.”

~Muhammad Ali

“To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe.”~ Anatole France

TODAY’S ACTIONS:

1. All day tell yourself positive affirmations: I BELIEVE I CAN CHANGE. I KNOW I CAN DO THIS. I HAVE THE STRENGTH TO CHANGE. I CAN USE A CALM VOICE. I WILL GET THROUGH BEDTIME QUIETLY. I didn’t know affirmations was an actual thing people do ;), but learned during the last 30 day session that it is, that it works, and that a great approach is to focus on the positive action. I get this but I still like the statement “I will love more and yell less.”

2. Tonight, or throughout the day, share your positive affirmations here. I really encourage you to do this one post if no others. People felt really inspired actually writing and sharing their affirmations! (Password: icanyellless)

http://theorangerhino.com/30daychallenge/2013/03/06/day-10-believe-that-you-can-change/

3. Surround yourself with positive reinforcement! Change your Facebook Page password to a positive affirmation: I will love more. Change other passwords to this positive affirmation as well or whatever one inspires you the most. Post positive affirmations in “yell-frequent” spots throughout the house.

4. Also, help yourself not yell by saying out loud in heated moments, “I will not yell. I am not a yeller!” This works wonders, trust me!

Coming up:
Tomorrow we will focus on a big trigger, an uncomfortable trigger. The weekend will be spent finalizing your goal and making sure you have a support group in place.

Day #9: Fair Expectations

From the Orange Rhino:

Good morning! I know many of you are finding this process both inspiring and frustrating! And I know many of you want to just quit receiving these emails. I get it. This isn’t easy. And if you are like me and life is already stressed, receiving them might very well feel overwhelming and just one more thing to do. Please remember that they are there when you want them, and they are there to use as best fits into your life. Have time to post in the blogs? Great! Don’t have time but still want to read and just think and ponder? Great!

And I know many of you want to quit not just because this is another thing to do but also because well, it would be really nice to see progress already and some of you aren’t. So today I wanted to share with you two Orange Rhino Revelations that helped me kick the yelling habit to the curb. I learned them in the early day and they were a huge help. I hope they help you as you continue to learn about what pushes you to want to yell and as you continue to practice how to respond without yelling.

TODAY’s THOUGHTs:

“Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.”

~Harold Hulbert

I know this seems obvious. Our role as parents is to love our children. But let's be real. There are moments when we are pushed. When kids do kid things (refuse to eat a meal, hit a sibling, talk back, don’t listen) and it is really hard in that moment to feeling loving. We might still love them, but we certainly don’t love their behavior at that time. One day my then 5-year-old son was acting out beyond words. I was infuriated. It was week three of the challenge and instead of yelling I just dropped to the floor, held him like a baby, and loved him until he was calm. It works. Sometimes loving my boys is really what they are seeking when they act out and stopping and doing so makes all the difference. It brings both of us back down to a better place.

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”

~ Maya Angelou

There are triggers that we just can’t change, again, like kids being kids. No matter how well we parent, now matter how many parenting books we read, some times kids will be kids. I didn’t used to accept this. I set my expectations high for my kiddos and when they didn’t meet them I felt frustrated and wanted to scream. For what? They were just being kids. Another Orange Rhino taught me to ask my kids “How old are you?” when I wanted to scream at silly things. Hearing them say their age immediately reminds me to make sure my expectations are in check. If they aren’t, I remember that I can’t change their age, I can change my attitude!!! Oh right, you are only 4. Silly me. You should (or shouldn't) be able to do xyz because you are too young.

Here is a post about expectations if you want to think further…

http://theorangerhino.com/do-i-ask-too-much-of-my-kid/

TODAY’s ACTIONs:

1. Continue focusing on JUST ONE trigger area at a time (right now, a medium trigger). Focus on understanding it and responding to it. Try different alternatives to yelling if you cannot change the trigger, but you just need to change your attitude. I am assuming that for many of you this trigger has indirectly to do with expectations of your kids. Ask yourself, are your expectations of your child fair? If you wish to write about this topic, post here:

http://theorangerhino.com/30daychallenge/2013/03/05/day-9-reasonable-expectations/

Password: icanyellless

2. Practice hugging your child and being loving especially when you just don’t want to. One experience of this will open your eyes and your heart. Truly.

COMING UP:

Tomorrow is one of my favorite days – it was a huge hit last time. Soon thereafter I will ask you to create your own goal for yelling less based on what you have learned so far. I know you have signed up for 30 days of yelling less but perhaps more appropriate would be 30 moments of not yelling at…insert major trigger. Put this in the back of your mind and start thinking about it.

Day #8: Medium Trigger

From the Orange Rhino:

Good morning! It is great that everyone (yes, everyone, I am doing my own work alongside you, albeit on a different topic) is thinking and pondering how they can learn to yell less. But it is hard work and perhaps mentally exhausting or even emotionally draining! The next two days are dedicated to practicing not yelling (or yelling less) during a medium trigger.  

TODAY’s THOUGHTs:

“If there is no struggle, there is no progress.” ~Frederick Douglass

“Where there is no struggle, there is no strength.” ~Oprah Winfrey

My point? This process is hard and you might struggle. Maybe not, but perhaps a little bit. But that struggling is progress and is making you stronger. The struggle might feel like a big pain but it is actually a good thing! I firmly believe I am a stronger person than I was a year ago. All this teaching myself to learn to not yell has improved me beyond just becoming a non-yeller. So as you practice these next few days, know that it is all worth it!

TODAY’S ACTIONs:

1. Pick a second trigger to work on. I suggest a medium-sized one – one that needs more thought than you wish but not so much thought you are scared to tackle it! Perhaps it is on the children’s behaviors that IS typical for his/her age but still can be a struggle (bath time, getting out the door on time, not cleaning up.) Or perhaps it is a trigger that gets to you ever so often but not all the time, like P.M.S. or a messy kitchen.

2. Brainstorm ideas with someone (spouse, mother, friend) to create a plan to try for the next two days. Write it down so it feels real and keeps you on track. Have alternatives for yelling in place. I.e: Trigger: Refusing to eat dinner. Plan: Offer at least one food each child likes as part of meal (Tacos: Child 2. Black Beans: Child 1. Corn: all). Alternative: Use orange napkins at meal time as reminder to stay calm! Back up if nothing works ;)--Tell myself out loud that I can yell less and that if I think clearly I will find a solution that works!

3. Share your trigger and your plan in this post. I read recently that having a plan for attacking a “bad habit” makes it so much easier to do so. So…what’s your plan?

http://theorangerhino.com/30daychallenge/2013/03/04/day-8-medium-trigger/

password: icanyellless

One of my biggest kids' typical behavior triggers is getting out of the door on time. My plan is always to prepare what I can beforehand, to give warnings, to help or guide if needed (instead of assuming they can always do it, they are just kids after all) and then if we are running late to tell myself “stay calm or you will move slower.” It isn’t a perfect science but knowing that having a mental game plan of how to handle this trigger does help keep me calm!

As you practice resolving this trigger today and tomorrow, remember that the whole point is to figure out how to handle it and how to create a plan to have in place when things go haywire! If you do yell, tell yourself you are just learning and then brainstorm a new idea. Brainstorm new alternatives to have in place to keep you calm.

Good Luck!

Day #7: Small Trigger Begone!

From the Orange Rhino:

Good morning!

I hope you all slept better than I did as lack of sleep is a HUGE trigger for me. It is the test beyond tests! So even though today I will be focusing on keeping a huge trigger in check, I encourage you to work on the small trigger you identified yesterday. Why start here? I am hoping two days of focusing on a small trigger will help you get confidence that you can yell less!

TODAY’s THOUGHTs:

“An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”
~Leonardo DaVinci

It is easy to say what our triggers are. It can be easy to come up with solutions to avoid said triggers.  But it is not easy to actually start practicing and stop preaching. It is hard to find the courage and the strength to say “Today is the day!” I am going to really focus today! But I believe you can all do it because I am seeing incredible focus and determination!

TODAY’s ACTIONs:

Practice! Today and tomorrow you will focus on the 1 small trigger/easy to change.

1. Start by designing a plan to conquer that moment. (Do you need to set out shoes out for your child? Do you need to wear an apron at bath time so you don’t get wet and scream? Do you need to make a trip to Home Depot or Target for some organizational items?) Remember, simplicity is the ultimate sophistication! Sometimes there really is an easy plan!

2. Review my list of 100 Alternatives to yelling and have 3-5 Alternatives in the back of your mind so if the need arises, they are already on your mind.   http://theorangerhino.com/alternatives-to-yelling/ Peruse my list, pick a few simple ones that seem relevant to the situation you will be handling and keep them top of mind. Re-read them over and over again so you remember them. (Can you stop and talk a walk around the house? Can you jog in place for the endorphin release? Can you take the kids out for a walk?) Whatever you choose, have a plan in place!

3. Share what action you did or have chosen to avoid your small trigger and/or what alternative to yelling helped.

http://theorangerhino.com/30daychallenge/2013/03/02/day-6-7-practicing-eliminating-small-trigger/

password: icanyellless

4. As soon as you have a few spare minutes, if you haven’t already, now is a great time to pick up some orange post it notes or orange nail polish or something other fun orange things to help keep this challenge top of mind!

I know practice makes perfect is a common phrase. Forget the perfect. Too much pressure! Here, practice gives us knowledge (about what works and what doesn’t) and more so it gives us confidence.

Good Luck!

Day #6: Last Day to Tracking Triggers

From the Orange Rhino:

Good Morning and Happy Monday/ Day 6!

I decided to add one more day to track triggers as it will give you that much more input to help set a meaningful goal next week. But more so it will help you continue to gain key insight into what changes you can possibly make, both within yourself and your environment, to yell less. That said, some triggers you can’t change…but knowing that is huge and helpful!

I am on Weight Watchers, have been for years. When I take the time to write down what I eat, I truly eat better and lose weight. It’s like magic. Seeing the good days is inspiring and proves to me I can do it; seeing the not good days is motivation to get back on track. It’s a pain…but it works. The same applies here.  I’ve wanted to lose a couple holiday then birthday pounds and can’t seem to get eating healthy again. Today I will track right along side of you because eating unhealthy is a trigger for me, for lots of reasons….So let's track away!

TODAY’s THOUGHTs:

“The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.” ~John Pow

“One cannot too soon forget his errors and misdemeanors; for to dwell upon them is to add to the offense.” ~Henry David Thoreau

TODAY’s ACTIONs:

1. Continue to track your triggers even if it is a big pain and feels time consuming! Learn from what you write down. If you write down "I yelled because we were late," push yourself to understand why you were late. Were you all just running late or…were you not organized? Or as is often the case with me, I was on my phone too much or I wasn’t focused.

2. At the end of the day (perhaps with a celebratory drink or ice cream sundae), look at your 4 days of tracking triggers. Group them into these three categories:

(a)  Easy to Change (i.e. clean kitchen counter every night, a messy counter annoys me, morning rush, sorting laundry, something happening same time of day--a trend trigger)

(b) Personal triggers that have nothing to do with kids (i.e. fight with husband, finances, PMS!, work stress)

(c) Kids' behavior that TRULY have nothing to do with you-be honest! (yelling, not hanging up jacket, throwing food at dinner)

3. Choose 1 trigger from each group that you want to focus on this weekend/next week, so 3 triggers all together.  Before we officially go “yelling less” we are going to practice. Marathoners don’t just run 26.2 miles…they practice first for strength! Post them on the blog so we can offer support:

http://theorangerhino.com/30daychallenge/2013/03/01/day-5-3-triggers/

password: icanyellless

4. Practice forgiveness! It is easy as you write down triggers to feel like “UGH! Look at all these errors I’ve made.” WRONG. Look at all you are learning! Don’t dwell on the yelling, that will just bring you down. Forgive yourself and forget and learn instead!

I know you all are already putting in a lot of effort so this quote doesn’t totally apply. But I also know a little bit of feeling hopeless may be inside you. So I leave you with this:

“A little more persistence, a little more effort, and what seemed hopeless failure may turn to glorious success.” ~Elbert Hubbard

Forget may, how about will?!

Here's to a good week,
The Orange Rhino

Day #5: Sunday-catch up day

Dear Orange Rhinos,

Just a quick note...

The real Orange Rhino has been doing a combined post for the weekends, sending only one for both Saturday and Sunday.  I will do the same.  So, we will have no normal blog post or letter for Sunday.  Instead, use this day to catch up on any tasks or reading that you haven't finished yet. 

Or, if you're all caught up and would like some inspiration for today, here's a link to the Orange Rhino's blog, to one of her best past posts:

http://theorangerhino.com/10-things-i-learned-when-i-stopped-yelling-at-my-kids/

Best wishes!

Jenna

Day #4: Celebrate, Seriously!

From the Orange Rhino:

(You are receiving this email because you asked to be on this email subscription. You can be removed at any time by replying to this email with your request.)

Good morning! It seems that people are really figuring out some major triggers, which is courageous and great…even though I know it is also frustrating and uncomfortable! But…

“Change will never happen when people lack the ability and courage to see themselves for who they are.” ~Bryant H. McGill

Seeing your real triggers, especially the uncomfortable ones, will help you change and yell less. Sure, you might not be able to get rid of some of the big triggers all together but you will be able to label it, change your response to it, and then yell less. And there will most definitely be some triggers that you can get rid of by preparing and problem solving, ie. rushing in the morning. That was a huge trigger for me and now I spend 5 minutes the night before preparing and it has made all the difference.

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ~Leo Tolstoy

WRONG! You all have been looking at yourself and thinking of changing yourself. You all have been looking to see if there is something you can change in yourself before you change your kids, your hubby or your environment, and I say toot your rhino horn for that!!! TOOT!

TODAY’s THOUGHT:

“Celebrate what you want to see more of.” ~ Thomas J. Peters.

LOVE this quote. LOVE it. Did I mention that I love it? For so many reasons. Mostly because when I celebrate the good stuff, I feel more good stuff happens. When I celebrate my kids cleaning up, they clean up more. When I compliment my husband for making the bed, he does it more. When I celebrate any moment I chose not to yell, I feel better.

TODAY’S ACTION:

As you track your triggers and count the times you yell ALSO count the times that you DON’T YELL. CELEBRATE the moments that you don’t yell. Make orange exclamation marks on the tracking sheet when you don’t yell. Do a YIPPEE party dance when you don’t yell. SHOUT out in joy “I did it!” when you don’t yell. Start celebrating folks, it will build your self-confidence and keep you seeking more.

Share a good moment here:http://theorangerhino.com/30daychallenge/2013/02/28/day-4-celebrate-2/ 

Password: icanyellless

There is no celebration too small! Use this post to feel good about yourself because honestly, that feeling is so contagious!!

As this project continues, please remember that these blog posts are there to give you a place to journal and process your thoughts. But please, do not feel stressed or guilty if you don’t have a chance to write. I know many people benefit from them greatly but also people make progress on this journey just by thinking about the actions and quotes. Do what YOU need to do to not feel overwhelmed but inspired and motivated!!!

Have a great day,

The Orange Rhino

Day #3: Is it them...or me?

From the Orange Rhino:

Good morning!

I continued to be amazed by the enthusiasm and passion you are all putting into this. It’s wonderful. I know some of you are also feeling overwhelmed still. I want to remind you that what I write in these emails for thoughts and actions are there for you to decide what to do with. You do not have to post in the blogs at night; if it is stressful for you to find the time, let it go. The last thing you need is more stress. That said, if your plate is very full and you are enjoying the emails and wish you could do more of what I write, then just read along. I think you’ll be surprised how just having some of these thoughts in the back of your mind helps!

Today we continue to track triggers. Why? 1) Just in case you haven’t had a chance to yet! 2) Every day children are awesome in that they push different buttons! And 3) You’ll start to see which triggers pop up the most. Today though, I am going to push you to look even deeper. I am going to push you to get uncomfortable. There is a quote that I can’t find but it goes something like “it’s when you push yourself out of your comfort zone that the extraordinary happens.” So, let’s get uncomfortable!!!

THOUGHT of the DAY

“If there is anything that we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could better be changed in ourselves.” ~ Carl Jung

ACTIONS of the DAY:

Continue to track your triggers and dig deep. Post your thoughts from digging deep here:

http://theorangerhino.com/30daychallenge/2013/02/27/day-3-is-it-them-or-me

password: icanyellless

I suggest that when tracking your triggers, when you write down why you yelled, that you focus on how you were feeling at the moment. Some questions to ask yourself:

• Are they really acting “bad” or am I just in a really bad mood?
• Am I happy at this moment or sad, frustrated, stressed, anxious?
• Did I have a fight with someone lately?
• Is my to-do list overwhelming me today?
• Am I the problem right now???

The goals of digging deep and being brutally honest are:

• to understand your role in the situation
• to become aware of your need to take ownership of your behavior
• to acknowledge any crap in your life that really brings you down

This will be uncomfortable. If it is really uncomfortable then you are making progress! Continue to push through and support each other! I am *hoping* to find sometime to respond to your posts today. Even though I haven't replied, I read every single comment and am thinking of all of you and what you have shared constantly. If you are really struggling, email me and I will do my best to reply within a day. 

Good Luck!

The Orange Rhino

Day #2: Tracking Triggers, The Fun Part

From the Orange Rhino:

Day 2:

“One important key to success is self-confidence. An important key to self-confidence is preparation.” ~ Arthur Ashe

Today we are going to start the big preparation part of learning to yell less. We are going to start tracking triggers. This is the part everyone loosely talks about, but doesn’t really want to do. This is the piece everyone needs to do. My first 10 days I wrote down on orange post-its notes when I yelled, why I yelled, my mood, my kids moods, time of day (and month – seriously!) etc… Tracking my triggers helped me:

• Create a mental alarm system that now goes off BEFORE I yell (ie. Warning! You had fight with husband over money. You will be cranky and want to yell at everything.
• Identify small problems that can easily be fixed and larger problems that can be focused on one at a time (ie. rushing in morning).
• Gain self-awareness that 9 out of 10 times underneath the triggers my personal issue was the real trigger!

We are going to spend 3 days tracking triggers. We aren’t going to do any problem solving at this point – just working to get data for our own alarm systems!

I am telling you, understanding my triggers was a HUGE HUGE HUGE (yes I am yelling) help on my journey. Here is a post I wrote about it: http://theorangerhino.com/tracking-my-triggers/ And seeing how many times a day you yell, I mean REALLY seeing it, will further inspire you to change and will help set a reasonable, attainable goal for yourself!

TODAY’s THOUGHTs:

“My experience has been that work is almost the best way to pull oneself out of the depths.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

“Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.” ~Sigmund Freud

---I normally try not to be all therapy-esque but this was a great quote I thought ;) ---

TODAY’s ACTIONs:

1. If you didn’t yesterday, on one piece of paper tally every single time you yell. Even if you stop yourself. Be ruthless. Don’t lie to yourself to make the numbers look good. When it is goal setting time you need to know where you are starting from!

2. Use the attached tracking sheet to track your triggers. You can also find it here and an example of my tracking sheet: http://theorangerhino.com/resources/

3. If you aren’t tired at the end of the long day, because it will be long ;), post in this blog post about an AHA! moment you had about your triggers. http://theorangerhino.com/30daychallenge/2013/02/26/day-2-tracking-triggers-the-fun-part/

Password: icanyellless

When tracking, be specific. Be detailed. Be thorough. Be truthful. The more information you collect the more you will be able to learn. Even small details you think irrelevant might be relevant when you look back at 3 days of information. You’d be surprised. Also DIG DEEP. Keep asking yourself the question, WHY until you feel you are the bottom of the reason. You’ll know you are at the truth, the real trigger when your body releases and goes AHA! That is so right. A light bulb will go off. Yes, sometimes the trigger will just be a dirty house. But sometimes it might be more. Here’s an example:

•  I yelled because the boys left crayons and paper all over the kitchen counter
•   A mess is a trigger for me
•  WHY?
•  Because kids didn’t clean up? (Yes that’s frustrating but expected) No really, WHY?
• Because it’s more work to do? (Okay yes but that is life with kids) WHY?
• Because I (The Orange Rhino) can’t stand clutter, period. Any clutter, NOT JUST clutter kids leave out. Clutter makes me feel claustrophobic so really I’m feeling claustrophobic. (Result? Next time I see clutter I remember that it is partially frustration kids didn’t clean up but ALSO that I have my own issue with clutter.)

As you track your triggers you might feel crappy that you yelled, you might feel crappy about why you really yelled. Remember this quote when you do.

 “A man’s errors are his portal of discovery.” ~ James Joyce

Learning about why you yell is going to help you not yell! It will prepare you for the next time you are in the same situation, trust me. It is going to be easy to say surface level things triggered you to yell. Again, I urge you to dig deep if it feels there might be more. Your goal here is understanding, not just labeling. Tracking your triggers and learning about yourself is going to be one of the biggest rewards of this challenge. So even when it feels annoying and a waste of time, keep at it. What you learn will not only help you yell less but it will help you with other relationships and your general happiness. At least it has for me. GOOD LUCK!

Here are a few more posts I did about digging in the beginning:

http://theorangerhino.com/the-root-of-my-yelling/

http://theorangerhino.com/what-triggers-my-triggers/

Day #1: Catapulting to Change

--> From The Orange Rhino:

Good morning, 

Let me start by saying Congratulations! You have already taken the first step of learning to yell less. You have sent me an email saying that you want to change. Change is hard, but you have gone after it. You have taken action – pat yourself on the back for that. Seriously. So much of this challenge is learning to celebrate small achievements in order to build self-confidence.  

I know everyone wants to jump in and get the secrets to not yelling today. I know people might think “oh I’ve signed up for a 30 days of not yelling challenge, today is the first day to not yell. I have 29 more to go!” If you don’t yell today AWESOME. But truly, for me, the key to learning not to yell was preparation. It was digging deep and learning about myself and figuring out what I needed to do to succeed. So before we jump into practicing not to yell, we have some preparation to do.

TODAY’s THOUGHTs:

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy (or gal) who'll decide where to go.”

~ Dr. Seuss

This is YOUR 30 days. Yes, I will guide you but ultimately, you are one who will decide where you will go.  Let your brains do the thinking but let your heart, your love for your children and yourself, push you forward.

“You have to work harder than you think you possibly can…And it doesn't matter how you get knocked down in life; that's going happen. All that matters is you've got to get up.” 

~Ben Affleck

I love Ben Affleck, always have, always will. And today I love him for his quote last night during his acceptance speech. All that matters in this challenge is that you try and you get back up. You can do this!

Quote from the movie Apollo 13:
NASA Director: “This could be the worst disaster NASA's ever faced.”

Gene Kranz: “With all due respect, sir, I believe this is gonna be our finest hour.”

Sometimes, our worst moments catapult us to challenge ourselves to push harder, to try new things and to ultimately succeed and have our finest hour. I know you have had at least one of those moments; that is why you are here!

TODAY’s ACTIONs:

1. In order to say at the end of 30 days that you are yelling less, you need to know where you started. You need to see how many times you got knocked down…and how many times you are not just getting up and trying again, but succeeding. On a piece of paper, either in a journal or single sheet, draw a line down the middle. Write YELLED on one side, LOVED on the other. All day, every time you yell put a tally mark in that side, every moment you caught yourself and didn’t yell put a tally in the loved side. At the end of the day, put this piece of paper somewhere you can see it for motivation. At the end of the 30 days we’ll do this again and hopefully the # of times yelled is significantly less!

2. In this blog post, write down the one yelling moment that you feel was the worst parenting disaster ever; the moment you don’t like to talk about. Be descriptive. How did you feel in the moment? Minutes later? Days or months later? What did your kids faces look like? What did they say?  *Post your experience in the comments section below.*

Sharing this moment will be hard but it will help you many times. You’re going to use that moment to catapult you to change, to catapult you to your finest hour. Learning to yell less is hard; you need two things pushing you up. External support, which you’ll get here and others, and internal motivation. My internal motivation came from my love for my kids and the harsh, embarrassing moment I realized I yelled too much. Embrace your “disaster” moment and let it no longer be seen as your worst moment ever but as the moment that changed you for the better!!

You need this moment to:

~ Remind you why you are committing to this challenge

~ Give you confidence about your commitment. When people ask you why are you doing this, share your moment. The more you tell it the more you will realize, yes, I need to change. I want to change. I don’t want that moment again; I’ve made the right decision to work hard!

~ Inspire you when you want to quit

It’s a lot to take in for one day, but I wanted to make sure we started off but these two exercise are key to getting going.

Here we go! You can do this!

 -----

Jenna's note:  I'll go first...see my comment below.  
P.S.  My comment is in no way a "model" to follow.  You may not have had one big blow-up like I did that inspired you to join this group.  Whatever you would like to pinpoint as your reasoning for wanting to change is what you should write.  If you'd rather just write it in a private journal, that's fine too!  Sharing is optional.

My Orange Rhino Group

I am so excited to share with you my experience with The Orange Rhino group, specifically the 30-Day Challenge.  Thanks for joining this group!  I wish you the best in your desire to love more and yell less. 

Please remember that signing up to do the 30-Day Challenge is not a promise to be perfect, so there's no need to worry about stumbling along the way.  As you try to do better, you are succeeding simply by trying!  Your loved ones, and you yourself, will be blessed for your efforts.

I want to share the 30-Day Challenge with you virtually the exact same way The Orange Rhino shared it with me, but because you are MY friends ;), I want to add a little of myself into the program.  So, I will honestly credit The Orange Rhino for everything that is directly from her, but will also add notes from myself.  I also claim the liberty to correct typos and mild grammatical errors in her emails (I hope she doesn't mind).

I would like to play a dual role in this group, as both a member and a moderator.  So, when the task for the day asks us to share something specific...I may post my own comment (possibly copied from when I posted it previously in my own 30-Day Challenge), but I will also try to respond to everyone else's comments in support.  Everyone is encouraged to comment in reply to someone else's comment when they feel they can offer support, because part of the success from this group comes from supporting one another.  Feel free to post anonymously anytime.

Here goes nothing!  Let's do this!  Best wishes to everyone!!

Love,
Jenna

From The Orange Rhino:

Hi everyone! Thanks for signing up for my 2^nd “30 Days to Yelling Less” project!  I wanted to cover a few important things before we start.

Managing Expectations: If there is one thing I have learned in order to not yell, it’s that I need to manage my expectations, and my kids' expectations! That said…I wanted to manage yours of me! I am not an expert! I am a SAHM with 4 young kids who figured out this yelling thing. I so very much want to help and inspire you to yell less and I really hope that I can, but I cannot promise you a magical, overnight fix! I can promise you though that I will do my best to support all 653+ of you and that the more energy you put into learning to yell less, the more you will get out of it. And if you ever feel along in this process just remember that there are 653+ of you in this project and another 2700+ people on the Facebook Page! 

Work in Progress: Learning to yell is a process and this project is a work in progress! Since it is the second time I've ever done it, there will be kinks and quirks we need to work out. I am also awful with technology! Please be patient with me but also share any feedback with me. Know that I can't please everyone but I will try.

Process: As mentioned in my blog post, the first 10 days or so are dedicated to preparation. Looking back, there are a lot of things I did in the first 10 days that helped keep me going. I want everyone to experience those first before fully focusing on yelling less so that they can be the most successful. That said, you are welcome at any point to focus on your personal goal of yelling less.

Respect: Please respect everyone when sharing/commenting. I will do my best to respond to as many comments as I can but there are a lot of you - which is GREAT!!

Copyright: I have been informed I need to write this part to protect myself as someone recently snagged some of my stuff and took credit. Sorry I have to write this! All the emails and materials I post are mine unless I note otherwise. Please do not reproduce without crediting The Orange Rhino.

Removal: If at anytime you want your name removed, please let me know. No hard feelings! Know also that I will keep all your email information private. 

Preparation: Some people in the last group found it useful to have a journal on hand. There are actually some great orange ones in Target and CVS right now! Two other things you might want to pick up that people found helpful: orange post-it notes, orange nail polish, orange markers/pens, orange smiley face stickers. So if you have time tonight or tomorrow...go shopping!!

Stress: While learning to yell less is hard work, the last thing I want to do is stress anyone out more than he/she is already! Put in as much time as you can; if you can write in the blog posts, great. If you can’t, don’t beat yourself up! For some people, just reading the emails helped them. For others, being more “actively” involved helped them.

Thanks again for trusting me to help you out. I really hope that I can help you yell less and love more one moment at a time!

Cheers,

The Orange Rhino