Day #9: Fair Expectations

From the Orange Rhino:

Good morning! I know many of you are finding this process both inspiring and frustrating! And I know many of you want to just quit receiving these emails. I get it. This isn’t easy. And if you are like me and life is already stressed, receiving them might very well feel overwhelming and just one more thing to do. Please remember that they are there when you want them, and they are there to use as best fits into your life. Have time to post in the blogs? Great! Don’t have time but still want to read and just think and ponder? Great!

And I know many of you want to quit not just because this is another thing to do but also because well, it would be really nice to see progress already and some of you aren’t. So today I wanted to share with you two Orange Rhino Revelations that helped me kick the yelling habit to the curb. I learned them in the early day and they were a huge help. I hope they help you as you continue to learn about what pushes you to want to yell and as you continue to practice how to respond without yelling.

TODAY’s THOUGHTs:

“Children need love, especially when they do not deserve it.”

~Harold Hulbert

I know this seems obvious. Our role as parents is to love our children. But let's be real. There are moments when we are pushed. When kids do kid things (refuse to eat a meal, hit a sibling, talk back, don’t listen) and it is really hard in that moment to feeling loving. We might still love them, but we certainly don’t love their behavior at that time. One day my then 5-year-old son was acting out beyond words. I was infuriated. It was week three of the challenge and instead of yelling I just dropped to the floor, held him like a baby, and loved him until he was calm. It works. Sometimes loving my boys is really what they are seeking when they act out and stopping and doing so makes all the difference. It brings both of us back down to a better place.

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”

~ Maya Angelou

There are triggers that we just can’t change, again, like kids being kids. No matter how well we parent, now matter how many parenting books we read, some times kids will be kids. I didn’t used to accept this. I set my expectations high for my kiddos and when they didn’t meet them I felt frustrated and wanted to scream. For what? They were just being kids. Another Orange Rhino taught me to ask my kids “How old are you?” when I wanted to scream at silly things. Hearing them say their age immediately reminds me to make sure my expectations are in check. If they aren’t, I remember that I can’t change their age, I can change my attitude!!! Oh right, you are only 4. Silly me. You should (or shouldn't) be able to do xyz because you are too young.

Here is a post about expectations if you want to think further…

http://theorangerhino.com/do-i-ask-too-much-of-my-kid/

TODAY’s ACTIONs:

1. Continue focusing on JUST ONE trigger area at a time (right now, a medium trigger). Focus on understanding it and responding to it. Try different alternatives to yelling if you cannot change the trigger, but you just need to change your attitude. I am assuming that for many of you this trigger has indirectly to do with expectations of your kids. Ask yourself, are your expectations of your child fair? If you wish to write about this topic, post here:

http://theorangerhino.com/30daychallenge/2013/03/05/day-9-reasonable-expectations/

Password: icanyellless

2. Practice hugging your child and being loving especially when you just don’t want to. One experience of this will open your eyes and your heart. Truly.

COMING UP:

Tomorrow is one of my favorite days – it was a huge hit last time. Soon thereafter I will ask you to create your own goal for yelling less based on what you have learned so far. I know you have signed up for 30 days of yelling less but perhaps more appropriate would be 30 moments of not yelling at…insert major trigger. Put this in the back of your mind and start thinking about it.