Day #20: Ask "Why?"

From the Orange Rhino:

Good morning my 30 days to yelling less friends! This email is one of my favorite subjects, an annoying one, but one I rely on constantly even to this day. Anywho, I have written before to you and on my blog about how this past year I had to not only not yell, but think. I did a lot of soul searching and digging deep. I did a lot of asking WHY.

WHY am I still struggling to get through a day without yelling?

WHY did I successfully not yell today?

Both questions helped me to succeed. I had to be brutally honest with myself with the first one. It hurt to admit in the early days that I was still yelling simply because after I yelled once I stopped trying and decided I couldn’t do it.  And then it felt good when I realized I didn’t yell because I gave that day all my energy to keep it together and told myself over and over again that I could do it.

I know many of you are feeling good about your progress and many are still wishing it was going faster. We have 10 days left on this 30 days to yelling less project and I want everyone to be in a good place when we get to one week left. So today and tomorrow, I urge you to dig deep and really be honest with yourself as to why you are in the place you are so that you can craft a plan to keep going and feel better. Ask your support group his/her thoughts.

TODAY’s THOUGHTs:

“Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat.”

~F. Scott Fitzgerald

“If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.” ~Henry David Thoreau

TODAY’s ACTIONS:

1. Read the first quote above over and over. Yes you might have yelled. That is NOT your final defeat. Keep telling that to yourself.

2. Look for the compensation in your disappointments and I might add, successes. Ask yourself WHY am I having a hard time not yelling? WHY am I succeeding at not yelling. The answer might be as simple as, "because it is hard!" Or if you dig deeper it might be, "it is hard and I am tired and I don’t feel like trying."  Why do I like the quote and the word compensation? Because I see answering these questions as payment, as a reward. If you are truly honest with your answers you will be rewarded with an aha! That hopefully will help you keep going and understanding what needs to change or keep happening to ensure yelling less.  Post answers here:

http://theorangerhino.com/30daychallenge/2013/03/16/day-20-21-why/

password: icanyellless

TODAY’S TIPs:
1. Ask your kids, "Why?" I often find in the middle of a major tantrum that just asking why can help diffuse it but more so can help me understand where they are coming from. Just understanding helps me keep from yelling.

2. Enjoy this week with your kids! When I am overwhelmed and cranky (and therefore more yell- prone) I find that if I hang out with my kids and laugh and cuddle that it relaxes me immensely and helps everything else I have to do “easier.”